A couple of years ago, Richard and I were hitting a rough patch in our marriage. He was attending school, and I was starting a management position. We were both extremely stressed out, and took it out on each other. I did the one thing I worked really hard at trying to change about myself. I became unbearable to live with, and I wanted out.
I believed at the time, it was too hard for me to care for myself, and my family. I told Richard I wanted out, and it was too much.
The one good thing about the whole experience was, Richard and I were civil to each other, and never fought in front of Will. Unfortunately, that was about the only good thing happening between us. We fought and discussed ending our marriage for about a week, then something significant happened to me.
I had a very strange dream, like one I have never had before, and probably will never have again.
It started with our next door neighbor. I dreamed she died and a single woman moved in to her house. She loved animals and she worked and had some exotic animals at her house. My son, wanting to see them, would prod my husband into going over there and looking at her animals. Richard feel in love with her, and he never strayed, but in my dream he stopped loving me.
The funny thing about this woman, was she wasn't stunningly beautiful, or especially young. The only thing she had going for her that won my husband over was, she was nice. She was the one thing I wasn't, and because of that my husband preferred her to me.
I awoke suddenly, and heard a voice saying; "is that what you want"?
That night I told Richard, I never wanted to leave, and I started changing my attitude.
I would love to say, I never think about leaving or get irritated about our situation, but I have learned not express everything I think and feel. The one thing I tell myself often is, no matter how hard things are for me, it must be worse for Richard. The honest truth is, I love Richard and no matter how many times I wish or want something more, and better, my heart is tied to him. So with him, I will stay.
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1 comment:
It is good to hear from you stranger. I have been thinking about you lately and wondering how you are doing. I know I have a phone that I could pick up and call but I do not do very good at that at times. I remember this time. I just love to hear stories about the Lord softening our hearts. It is one of those instances that you know he really knows you. I was thinking about you tonight because I got a survey call. I have to tell you that I said I did not have time. Of course if it were you I would have given the survey. They asked me if there was a lady in the house that was 19 years of age or older and I told her I was. The next question was, "Are you 19 years or older?" I told her I did not have anymore time. Hey I hope all is well. I probablly should have written this in an email but hey. You got a really long comment!!!!!
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